'Twas My Birthday Week

And a celebratory week it was.  First, my dear friend (and first ever college roommate) Jill of the flowing auburn locks came to spend a few days with me.  These days involved much movie watching, game playing, and cocoa drinking.  Our movie selections included the visually delightful Alice in Wonderland (2010), and a few lines have gotten me thinking.  The Hatter says to Alice, "You're not the same as you were before.  You were much more...muchier.  You've lost your muchness."Alice queries, "My muchess?"  He points to her heart. "In there." Alice ponders this as she (re)discovers her courage and finally fights the Jabberwocky.  "Lost my muchness, have I?"  She mutters to herself.  "How's this for muchness?"  Like Alice, I have at times "lost my muchness."  Lost my enthusiasm, my good sense, my compassion.  Lost trust, lost faith, lost purpose.  And I don't like it.  I miss the good things about the girl I was.  Of course, I've gained things too, and am regaining others.   Again, like Alice, I have the spunk to believe impossible things before breakfast and to fight scary monsters.  The little saying I tell myself is "Live beyond fear.  Beyond regret."

I say live beyond because I've tried not having fears and regrets and failed.  Those are just two weaknesses I fight.  I get anxious about situations before, while, and after they happen.  I beat myself up over mistakes.  I regress to being about 15 years old and do and say weird things I can't explain and stay embarrassed about them for years.  It's very complicated in my head sometimes!  Fortunately, I am loved by a merciful God and by gracious friends (including some with similar DNA) who extend grace to me even when I am wearying.  I have a sense of anticipation for this year of being 24.  It's gonna be a good year.  Wrongs made right, burdens thrown overboard, adventures galore.

Right, so back to the birthday week.  For my actual birthday, I was with another dear friend (and third college roommate) Clara.  Her mom pampered me with homecooked meals:  waffles for breakfast, omlet for lunch, and a from-scratch chocolate cake for dinner, complete with candles.  I felt very special.  Clara also took me to an art gallery, whose special exhibition was "Extreme Materials."  I was amazed, I was slightly repulsed, I thoroughly enjoyed sharing the experience.  Clara kept pointing out the shadows things made, which I wouldn't have noticed on my own. My family celebration was on Sunday, and a birthday doesn't feel complete until the family party.  I had already picked out a few things like a warm fleece to replace the one I've had since high school.  But my parents surprised me with a subscription to Country Living (hurrah!) and a set of small cake decorating tips.  I think they are hoping to benefit from those! 

The celebrations just keep going too:  a few friends here in Jamestown are having a little dinner for me and I once again feel very special.  My curmudgeonly little heart is letting go of some of its prickles :-)